it's break time.

*fingers crossed*

i've built the program that i'm excited to begin next week, after testing it out this past week. it's not far off from a popular program that's out there, but i've switched it up quite a bit. intensity, man! intensity!

however. i've concluded that step one will have to be a week of rest. and i don't know if i can do it. it's actually psychologically DIFFICULT for me to not allow myself to do any resistance activities for seven days.

addicted much? eff. the feeling of getting through a hard workout is intoxicating.

*sob*.

actually, even though i've been persistently ignoring this, most people will recommend (at least) a week off for every 4-6 weeks of intense activity you do. to be honest, barring a christmas break that i barely remember (possible 2-3 days rest here and there), the last planned break (which was actually by force) that i took was a camping trip to montana in august. for five days. and even then i snuck in some pushups here or there.

*sigh*.

and even i'd be the first to harp about how our bodies adjust to things, like reducing calories, for instance. so really, the fact that i can say without a doubt that i average 45+ minutes of exercise a day means that either i eat like a small city, or my body has adjusted to this kind of activity level. as seen in my stunningly immobilized pant size, which is still a good pant size. it's just not my guess jeans pant size. i think. actually, i should go try those on again. it's been a good week!

so. back to goals and such. i've come to a funny conclusion, for those few of you who read this (quite possibly ONE), that my inner circle, in fact, does not consist of low self-esteemers, but what i would like to now call: bipolar self-esteemers.

holy crap, we are weird. i don't know how it's possible to go from resenting the mirror to loving it in a matter of hours, but we do it. i would like to propose that this is a good thing, albeit unstable. at least we have the good days... :/

i spent the last half hour enjoying my reflection. i timed it.

agghh foot is asleep.

um, i think that's it for now. seven days of rest. my birthday present to myself will be a good workout, haha.

i hate rest.

zee bloggity blog.

you people say you follow this thing. i have my doubts.

hopefully brief today, i am feeling neither creative nor inspired. i just wanted to say that i'm sick of pushing my goals back month by month, falling into the pattern that claims so freakin' many people. i am stronger than this.

april ends in six weeks. i have goals. i have a plan. and i have a serious deadline, people.

let the games begin.

wow, lamest post EVER.

because he dreams.

but sure as hell doesn't sleep.

welcome back to this blog. it's time to get back on the wagon. because i like this wagon.

why am i back here? two reasons. one: my other blog will likely be consistently gloomy for the next few posts, as i slowly trudge through my inner mind fluff. two: it's high time i kick my ass back into shape. and fitness goals are really the only other thing on my mind anyway.

and i've got a game plan. which i may or may not discuss. we'll see.

which is my critical fail point. i need to regulate my sleeping habits. and why am i failing? because i am SO OVER homework. like, SO OVER. like, oh. em. gee.

fackk.

so here i am, 3am, wrapping up a bitch of a fucked up lame blah report that is due in fifteen hours. a report that means passing or failing a course. a report that i've had for a month now...

shush.

and as such, my fitness goals suffer drastically. i'll likely arrive home from school tonight at 6pm, and cave into a coma at about 6:05pm, skipping my 30k bike ride. *huff*.

SO.

oddly, and appropriately, enough, my first fitness goal is SLEEPING REGULARLY.

hear that homework? you can't be my number one anymore.

*siigh*.

WE ARE SO CLOSE PEOPLE.

...

okay okay. i promise first thing tomorrow i'll weigh myself. after my run, of course. let's just say there might be more than 9 pounds remaining.

blog title change pending. shh.

i don't even know where to begin. i've learned that every time i finally feel set into a routine, i make a change to it. i think it stems from doubts. i spend a grand total of two days in full determination until i ask myself a rather destructive question.

"is this really the most effective plan?"

dear inner voice thing, go away.

and then comes more questions. followed by research. followed by the rapidly increasing chance that i might skip the planned workout in favor of some more reading. the incessant search of one article or guide that tells me what i want to hear. and then i ask what it is i really want to hear. then i forget what my goals are. or were.

the truth being, when i sit down and really hone in on what my absolute goal might be (because i can already say i live a very active lifestyle, with a more liberal approach to nutrition...), that goal would be knowledge.

part of me just wants to sit back and tell someone with conviction how certain i am that such and such works. well, i read it works. somewhere. someone else tried it.

i am relentless with routine changes. and then i can't even look back and pinpoint where my successes actually came from.

i think part of me wants to sit down and find the article that says "dear stevo, this is the detailed exercise routine and diet plan that will work the best for you. here is also a coupon for a personal chef and the keys to your new convertible."

something along those lines.

so what is TRULY the best anything?

well, if i can say anything with absolute conviction, it's that anything is better than nothing.

less reading, more running.

go.