it's break time.

*fingers crossed*

i've built the program that i'm excited to begin next week, after testing it out this past week. it's not far off from a popular program that's out there, but i've switched it up quite a bit. intensity, man! intensity!

however. i've concluded that step one will have to be a week of rest. and i don't know if i can do it. it's actually psychologically DIFFICULT for me to not allow myself to do any resistance activities for seven days.

addicted much? eff. the feeling of getting through a hard workout is intoxicating.

*sob*.

actually, even though i've been persistently ignoring this, most people will recommend (at least) a week off for every 4-6 weeks of intense activity you do. to be honest, barring a christmas break that i barely remember (possible 2-3 days rest here and there), the last planned break (which was actually by force) that i took was a camping trip to montana in august. for five days. and even then i snuck in some pushups here or there.

*sigh*.

and even i'd be the first to harp about how our bodies adjust to things, like reducing calories, for instance. so really, the fact that i can say without a doubt that i average 45+ minutes of exercise a day means that either i eat like a small city, or my body has adjusted to this kind of activity level. as seen in my stunningly immobilized pant size, which is still a good pant size. it's just not my guess jeans pant size. i think. actually, i should go try those on again. it's been a good week!

so. back to goals and such. i've come to a funny conclusion, for those few of you who read this (quite possibly ONE), that my inner circle, in fact, does not consist of low self-esteemers, but what i would like to now call: bipolar self-esteemers.

holy crap, we are weird. i don't know how it's possible to go from resenting the mirror to loving it in a matter of hours, but we do it. i would like to propose that this is a good thing, albeit unstable. at least we have the good days... :/

i spent the last half hour enjoying my reflection. i timed it.

agghh foot is asleep.

um, i think that's it for now. seven days of rest. my birthday present to myself will be a good workout, haha.

i hate rest.

zee bloggity blog.

you people say you follow this thing. i have my doubts.

hopefully brief today, i am feeling neither creative nor inspired. i just wanted to say that i'm sick of pushing my goals back month by month, falling into the pattern that claims so freakin' many people. i am stronger than this.

april ends in six weeks. i have goals. i have a plan. and i have a serious deadline, people.

let the games begin.

wow, lamest post EVER.

because he dreams.

but sure as hell doesn't sleep.

welcome back to this blog. it's time to get back on the wagon. because i like this wagon.

why am i back here? two reasons. one: my other blog will likely be consistently gloomy for the next few posts, as i slowly trudge through my inner mind fluff. two: it's high time i kick my ass back into shape. and fitness goals are really the only other thing on my mind anyway.

and i've got a game plan. which i may or may not discuss. we'll see.

which is my critical fail point. i need to regulate my sleeping habits. and why am i failing? because i am SO OVER homework. like, SO OVER. like, oh. em. gee.

fackk.

so here i am, 3am, wrapping up a bitch of a fucked up lame blah report that is due in fifteen hours. a report that means passing or failing a course. a report that i've had for a month now...

shush.

and as such, my fitness goals suffer drastically. i'll likely arrive home from school tonight at 6pm, and cave into a coma at about 6:05pm, skipping my 30k bike ride. *huff*.

SO.

oddly, and appropriately, enough, my first fitness goal is SLEEPING REGULARLY.

hear that homework? you can't be my number one anymore.

*siigh*.

WE ARE SO CLOSE PEOPLE.

...

okay okay. i promise first thing tomorrow i'll weigh myself. after my run, of course. let's just say there might be more than 9 pounds remaining.

blog title change pending. shh.

i don't even know where to begin. i've learned that every time i finally feel set into a routine, i make a change to it. i think it stems from doubts. i spend a grand total of two days in full determination until i ask myself a rather destructive question.

"is this really the most effective plan?"

dear inner voice thing, go away.

and then comes more questions. followed by research. followed by the rapidly increasing chance that i might skip the planned workout in favor of some more reading. the incessant search of one article or guide that tells me what i want to hear. and then i ask what it is i really want to hear. then i forget what my goals are. or were.

the truth being, when i sit down and really hone in on what my absolute goal might be (because i can already say i live a very active lifestyle, with a more liberal approach to nutrition...), that goal would be knowledge.

part of me just wants to sit back and tell someone with conviction how certain i am that such and such works. well, i read it works. somewhere. someone else tried it.

i am relentless with routine changes. and then i can't even look back and pinpoint where my successes actually came from.

i think part of me wants to sit down and find the article that says "dear stevo, this is the detailed exercise routine and diet plan that will work the best for you. here is also a coupon for a personal chef and the keys to your new convertible."

something along those lines.

so what is TRULY the best anything?

well, if i can say anything with absolute conviction, it's that anything is better than nothing.

less reading, more running.

go.

?

all right so I haven't checked yet. whatever.

(here's hoping i can organize my thoughts tonight...)

um. hello new year (soon)! new possibilities, etc. resolutions, anyone? mhm. i know you're out there. well i had a mini new years this past weekend that's fortunately stuck for the most part, barring days of absolute laziness with very little accomplished. it's been a so-so week.

let me tell you, i am of a different mind as of late. i have a new appreciation for those who struggle to get into the routine of the elusive active lifestyle. because life is busy, and not only busy it can be tiring (so much worse). i can handle the busy. the tiring is new. this past term was brutal, and as of late, my ability to get up at 4am for a good workout is gone. yes, i used to get up at 4am.

so, if i ever suddenly become some form of a motivator or personal trainer (oddly, a career i'm considering on the side), i've definitely benefited from these struggles. i did have a pretty relaxing summer and as a result i was able to program myself with ease. however, lately it's been rough.

furthermore, my home gym moved out back in november, so i've had to switch up my training routines to make up for a lack of a full set of equipment. let me also point out that the routine i used to follow took me five months to fine tune. i don't consider it a blow necessarily, but it's been a challenge. there is the good news that i believe i have figured out the routines for the upcoming months (ultimate goal being birthday in three months), but it's been difficult determining my new limits (very tired). turns out a lack of equipment usually means a more basic approach to fitness, so the workouts were relatively easy to plan. where i struggled was the when.

when do we exercise? oddly, through my exams, i was aiming for twice a day, morning and night. yes, that worked never. it was weird to aim for. so if you were to do it once a day, when would you choose? i used to preach morning cardio for ages, as it is technically the most efficient way to burn fat calories, because your body is out of carbs.

however.

the truth that i've come to discover (also, let me point out that i went most of the summer without cardio, so this is relatively new territory), is that the best time to do cardio is whenever you can.

if mornings don't work, then who cares. do it later. i've discovered that my favorite time is right before bed. possibly weird, yes, but it works for me. in fact, last time i mass (/excessively) dieted, i remember that my cardio was always in the evening. i also didn't eat. ever. another story for another time.

so. do it when you can. just do it. and if it feels horrible, then try another time of day.

there. go be cardiovascular.

FITNESS TIP: i cannot claim ownership of this wonderful idea, as it's existed long before my time (in the guise of sweat yoga). whenever i do my cardio on the exercise bike, i set up a space heater next to me to raise my body temperature even more. since biking doesn't really take much endurance, it's not so much torture. just sweaty.

193.8

so.

falling off the wagon sucks, and i seem to be wallowing in laziness. i am sadly putting this project on hold until after christmas. which is in 2.5 hrs.

now, it doesn't mean giving up on a healthy lifestyle! i'm just going to be researching practical ways to get back into the rhythms of being an active individual, because it's been a challenge getting back into things (and getting out of bed in general!)

i shall return, my love.

i shall return.

?

so awful, i know.

i am the worst inspirational blog fail ever. yes, i fell off the wagon, consumed by education and the family drama that always arrives this time of year.

but, we get back on people!